So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
