I bet he comes in French.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
