Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
