Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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