I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So many bounce houses so little time
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
