he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize