ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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