I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
