My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
