I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
