Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
