After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
