She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
