He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
