it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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