Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
not ubering you a puppy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
