That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
