This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize