What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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