Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
