i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
