Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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