He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
