I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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