Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
