I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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