i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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