It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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