I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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