I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
