My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
