Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
