Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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