Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
