Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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