Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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