So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
