Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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