he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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