Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
