I CAN MOONWALK!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
