So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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