Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
