Will you blow on my dice?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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