Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
