i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
