Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is Oprah even human
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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