Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
