It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is my gift to your gina
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
