i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
