jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
