i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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