Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
