there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
