every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
