Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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