This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
