he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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