We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
