hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
