I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize