If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
