Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
