Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All the doctor said was why
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
