i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
