mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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