chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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