I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
