You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
