I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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