Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
