I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found your dick twin last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
