Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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