Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
