i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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