The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize