I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
